5:51 AM

why am i awake?




my sleep has been skewed since my IV steroid infusions, patched with sleep aides & soured by daily naps. suddenly i am awake at 4am, like clockwork, sleep meds or no.
this morning i was awake with a massive gnawing hunger in my gut, since green tea & organic popcorn do not a dinner make. i quelled the beast with strawberry kiwi yogurt.

my Grandma works in the rectory of her beloved Catholic church, & is a bit of a keeper of the priest, Father Jim. i'm not Catholic or any denomination otherwise, but i love Fr. Jim. he's got Parkinson's, & it's slowly stealing who he is, as such diseases will do. he calls me daily with kind words when i am in a relapse, & sends his love & support with my Grandma when she'll see me.
she told me his sleep is sketchy too, but when he's awake at 4am, he gets up & goes to his office across the street & works. then he'll cat nap later as the day progresses.
i'm following this tactic today. we'll see how i do.


maybe i'll lay off the tea. i drank about 10 cups of green tea with toasted brown rice yesterday, right up until bedtime. i outta find a decaf version. duh.

i've had a burning pain in my back for a couple days now, as well as the flesh on my right side being sensitive & burning, although it really isn't. it's my nerves & their false messages, but i fret it's another relapse slowing sneaking back. the tingling in my palms sometimes increases in waves, & intensifies in my feet when i bend my head down. trying not to worry, but i'm supposed to be aware of what my body's doing these days.

i realized i have a kick ass camera i am just sitting on here at home, sans battery pack. well, it's got a dead one, but finding the right model # to fit the thing has been a task. i'll add it to the list of things to do today, on top of my neuropsych. appointment. it's always fun to drone on for 2 hours about my ridiculous thoughts & neurotic worries about my disease. i'm literally hoarse after a session.

i'm yawning. time to give bed another shot.


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