maiming time.

....because i'm hardly killing it.

school starts in January, leaving me the next 2 months yawning in front of me.
thankfully, my hands are slowly coming back to life. i'm able to feel the cat's fur under my palm, & my own hair feels slick & soft like it's supposed to. (it was feeling like Brillo pad, which trust me, it really does not.) while this progress, i need to feel 100% normal before i will let down my guard against this exacerbation.

my Dad is particularly supportive of my recovery, which gives me a sense of ease that it's really ok to relax & just do nothing right now. my hands were limiting the activities around to fill the time, so it was nice to have some company this week other than Pixel & Geisha.

my old roommate Kerstin & i have mended our fractured friendship recently. she came down from Sacramento & spent the night last night. we had sushi at Kirala, rented Miyuzaki anime movies, & chatted about nothing in particular like old times. while there's still a tinge of sadness about having missed so much in each other's lives (she got married & got a new horse, i got a hip replacement & my beloved dog she knew passed away to name a few) it's still fun to joke & be silly like we used to.

when she left this morning after a big breakfast at La Note(les oeufs Lucas are always so good!) i was a little saddened. a familiar fatigue crept up on me & i ended up napping on top of my duvet for 3 hours. i called Andy & we took the dogs to the trails on Skyline to run some energy out of them, & the sun set behind us.
i wasted a whole day, again! other than breakfast & a dog walk, i got little else done.

not having a job to define me & fill my time is a tough thing get a grip on. i've worked at least one job since i was 17, & there was always a sense of pride in telling people what i do. my Dad said to me, 'you've got to find something to fill your time & work your brain. school will be your new job when it comes time."
if only i could convey my Dad's conviction in text....

so tomorrow: be productive. get something done.