10:42 AM

bon voyage.

aw, Blog, did you miss me?
feeling better keeps me away so long.
i walk with a bit of a hitch is all, although nerve-related nonsense appears to be flaring up on my right side.

i went to UCSF 2 weeks ago & i am offfcially Relapsing-Remitting. it doesn't make me feel any better to be diagnosed, somehow i thought it would empower me or something.

it's New Years' Eve day & bought a dress (a what?!) a DRESS for the occasion.

bon voyagie.

9:57 PM

even when you didn't sleep, they cheer you.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." ~ Roger Caras

8:16 PM

flax seeds. delish.

today was supposed to be really relaxing, but it was not to be.

i went to get a massage, but getting across the bridge was a headache & i was half an hour late, although i left a half an hour early. i don't envy anyone with the SF commute. they nicely kept my appointment & the massage therapist was great, but she found so many sore spots it was hard to relax. when i finally did, she was done!
all i wanted was to sleep, face down in that face rest.

i wandered the tacky mall in Japantown for a minute, then went up the street to my dietitian appointment. how do people live in the city with a hip replacement or painful anything? i paid $10.50 for parking for 2 hours & spent way too much money in the apothecary-type-shop in the CPMC lobby.

i cried in front of the dietitian & she recommended a different fish oil supplement & flax seed. looks like i got a lot of roughage to eat, starting with oatmeal everyday as a vehicle for all the last tasty seeds & things. (ie: flax seed!!)
how do you explain to a complete stranger the reasons why your dogs eat better than you when you don't even know yourself?

i made it home in less time than it took to get there, somehow. Pixel had been in the crate the whole time, & thankfully didn't shred her bedding. Sake made it on his potty pads about 85% of the time. i was exhausted & hurting. i took a fitful nap with the dogs until Pixel couldn't stand being so bored anymore. i had to have Andy come get her, but it worked out cos Mabel was just as wound up.

now i'm waiting for Grey's Anatomy & dreading my Avonex shot & trying to get myself to think of something else to eat besides an apple so i can take my super sized Motrin & end the aching.

then, figure out how to eat flax seed....

11:20 PM

it's foggy.

fog & cold air used to remind me of Oregon when we would visit my Grandma.
i longed to go back as an adult & explore some more. funny when i went there with Andy it didn't hold the mystique it once did.
maybe cos it was summer.
maybe cos it was the company.

i have appointments in SF tomorrow, & i'm dreading being out of the house all day.
somehow it happened today & i got nothing done but a meeting with Jen. i'm a little tired of talking about my lack of appetite & poor eating habits. that's one of the appointments tomorrow: the dietician.

oh well.
thus is the road to wellness?

5:36 PM

can't keep up tpday.

maybe it's the amount of meds i take, or just the toll of being pain all the time, but i just can't get anything done today. all i want to do is go lay down, & i just might do it again in a minute.

i'm not getting thr house clean or any of the stupid little things around here done. about all i've done is walk the dogs (a maddening task with 2 leashes & hobbling with a cane.) & shampoo Sake's rear end a couple times. (fluffy dogs aren't so cute when they have the runs. elw.)

tomorrow, i suppose. i can't help but feel i'm running out of tomorrow's, though.

6:05 AM

getting some steam...

i'm 10 days post-op & still wincing in pain at my incision site. i had a mini-railroad track of about 20 staples running up my right glut that the farthest thing from comfortable. i got them out later today & the relief was amazing. nothing exciting happened during the surgery, & only after did i need a quickie blood transfusion & i was allowed to go home later the next day. i spent about 5 days at my mom's house, finding their spare bedroom & living room furniture to some of the most uncomfortable things in the world.

i slept each night in pieces in each room, with Sake dutifully following me & making a new place to sleep wherever i went. disappointingly, Kerstin came out for one day then decided she needed to see her husband & went back home. i curled up on the couch & napped for one of my many fitful sleep sessions on Percocet.

my Mommy took care of me the way only a true Mommy can, & i am so grateful for it. she came in the night when i cried, frustrated from pain & fighting with the sheets. she made me whatever food i asked for, & left a bottle of cold water anywhere i went. i went home a week after, & she hugged me tight after she packed up all my stuff that i had managed to strewn about her house. :)

i'm walking pretty well, mostly when i'm well medicated of course, but honestly it feels great to be pretty close to normal (ok with a thick, throbbing scar that looks like it was applied for a slasher flick). i walk nattily with a cane & even sleep comfortably. unfortunately the Joint Center conveniently forgot to schedule my physical therapy appointment, & now everywhere is booked til January!

now here at home, i eyeball the dark moulding & scarred hardwood flooring with much affection. hobbling in pain & gripping the sides of the bathtub to get in the shower makes me think of the conversation Dad & i had after my surgery consult.
i had mentioned Irene & Nicole moving in together, & my suddenly lit up. "i would feel so good about you moving in there. can you get in there somehow? i can't say how good it would make me feel to not have you live alone."
my Dad's usually quite stern when trying to get his point across, but i could see this plea came from his heart. this made me look at my apartment & life (again) anew, & i realized i won't have my high paying job anymore, & Dad would be helping me with rent & more. the least i could do is give up my place & live somewhere cheaper.

i've mulled it over for a few days, & got an email from my friend Joshe that made it all gel. he's looking for a roommate as well, same time frame as me, & really, he strikes me as a great fit. as much as i love the idea of a fun place like being with Irene & Nicole, i know that living with Joshe might be better & more low-key. i talked to him last night & got even more excited. although it means leaving Berkeley, i will still be here for school & can always come back later.

so here i am, looking at places in Walnut Creek & San Ramon like i was almost 2 years ago! surprisingly a few places already said "fine" about 2 dogs, one of them being kinda big! just gotta talk to Joshe again soon. is it wrong i'm dreaming of carpet already? oof, Sake better get his potty training back on track.....