aw, Blog, did you miss me?
feeling better keeps me away so long.
i walk with a bit of a hitch is all, although nerve-related nonsense appears to be flaring up on my right side.
i went to UCSF 2 weeks ago & i am offfcially Relapsing-Remitting. it doesn't make me feel any better to be diagnosed, somehow i thought it would empower me or something.
it's New Years' Eve day & bought a dress (a what?!) a DRESS for the occasion.
i'm 10 days post-op & still wincing in pain at my incision site. i had a mini-railroad track of about 20 staples running up my right glut that the farthest thing from comfortable. i got them out later today & the relief was amazing. nothing exciting happened during the surgery, & only after did i need a quickie blood transfusion & i was allowed to go home later the next day. i spent about 5 days at my mom's house, finding their spare bedroom & living room furniture to some of the most uncomfortable things in the world.
i slept each night in pieces in each room, with Sake dutifully following me & making a new place to sleep wherever i went. disappointingly, Kerstin came out for one day then decided she needed to see her husband & went back home. i curled up on the couch & napped for one of my many fitful sleep sessions on Percocet.
my Mommy took care of me the way only a true Mommy can, & i am so grateful for it. she came in the night when i cried, frustrated from pain & fighting with the sheets. she made me whatever food i asked for, & left a bottle of cold water anywhere i went. i went home a week after, & she hugged me tight after she packed up all my stuff that i had managed to strewn about her house. :)
tomorrow is surgery day, & in preparation, the dogs have gone to their respective keepers for the time being. i miss them & it hasn't even been an hour. Andy picked up Pixel tonight after dinner & Kerstin picked up Sake this morning. i gave him a bath & was blow drying him as she came in, & he was so happy. his watery little eyes followed me as she carried him out the door. my poor guy.
my surgery date is close at hand...just 2 full days or so left.
i'm still doing my best to hold steady, be optimistic, look at the benefits...
i imagine myself running. i eyed sleek pants, fleecey zip ups & imagined Pixel running beside me.
i went to my new integrative doctor in SF on Wednesday. i found myself both impressed, excited, & reminded the seriousness of my situation. besides setting out my life story (which has become automatic lately) i flatly stated i was anorexic as a teenager & still struggling with control issues & food. the doctor again painted a rosey picture of the benefits of treatment, on top of being amicable & warm. maybe it's just me, but these people always have sales to fall back on-- selling the surgery, a new diet & exercise plan...sheesh.
in explaining things to her, the dr. asked about why i drank so much red bull, didn't take breaks, & stressed myself so much. to every question my answer started with "Work". 6 months away from work, i can finally see what i've done to myself. how much i gave to work at the expense of my health. ....really not worth any salary or feeling of accomplishment i might receive.
even though i've now realized it, i have a long way to heal; a long way to go.
at any rate, thanksgiving was about as usual, but not without snags. Sake was downright grumpy, growling, snapping at Grandma, Brother & Joshe. he had the runs still & vomited several times. when i got him home he vomited some more, so i let him sleep with water close by. a course of metronidizole & I/D bland diet are in his future.
however today, he bit Ryan on the leg (but Ryan thinks he might have stepped on him, so i'm throwing that incident out). he then went bugshit on Pixel over a chewie, which has never happened!
i'm wracking my brain for possibilities, & there are plenty why he'd act like this. stress, fear, establishing dominance....but which is the right one to treat? i'm giving him some more time before i give up, of course. i'd say we've all been under some stress lately, so we won't mar he's record just yet.
still waiting for the damn check to come from the state. about time to get a move on with school too. trying my best not to feel rushed, get anxious, remember my goals.
the upside to all this is getting things together for Xmas presents. i'm compiling pictures for collages, photobooks & such for friends. i'm sure they'll be happy, i am so excited to see it! especially the one for Andy. Mabel's grown up so much & he'll get to see.
"hey Pix, what do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?"
"a collie-flower!! get it?! ahahahah!"
comedians, i swear.
my urine. for 24 hours, i have to save every drop of urine for a metabolic test.
oh, & i gotta refrigerate it.
tomorrow morning, i split my first whiz of the day into 2 more specimen jars, then take the whole pitcher & cocktails back to the lab. nice!
but for today, i'm going to bring Mom some mail, then the 3 of us (me, Pixel & Sake) are going to Lisa's to help her tidy the barn. i'm not sure how far we're gonna get today, but we'll see. i'm bringing extra clothes this time, i always end up filthy when i play up there.
last time i weeded the front yard:
i generally end up grooming Jack:
...which = me covered in whatever i brush off of him & then some.
i even shaved a barn cat:
he was matted as all get out & was grateful for the trim later on.
don't ask what he said during the fiasco.
let's see what's in store for me today on the ole Stine compound....& how dirty my dogs are going to get.
i escaped to Kerstin's Wednesday night after my orthopedist consult. i took Sake for a bath & managed to lock my keys in my truck, being as distracted as i was. the day went pretty well, but i wasn't sure how well i really had it together. i needed to get away & not look at my life for a few hours.
Wednesday morning, my Dad picked me up & we went to SF, critiquing the Bay Bridge's replacement progress & SF living in general. he dropped me off & went to scour for parking.
i went down to the x-ray lab & changed into the utterly flattering gown that left me squirming in a chair in the women's waiting room for 20 minutes. when the techs called me in, i went easily through the awkward positions for the xrays, impressing the laughing techs. my dad was in the doctor's office when i got there & we went right in.
the surgeon is still an amicable, easy-going guy that talks about your surgery like it's a walk in the park. he looked at my xrays & put it frankly, i have osteopenia, meaning i am a hop, skip & 10 years from osteoperosis. this changes any surgery plans he'd had in mind for me, & now it was more imparitive we get the revision done & work on recovering some bone mass. instead of using screws to anchor a acetabulum plate, i'll have the whole socket resurfaced & have a cup fitted (read: pounded into shape with a mallet!) into place. the whole joint will be titanium & hopefully, pain free for the rest of my life.
we went over the pros: the smaller amount of recoup time, the prosthetic should last a lifetime, etc. we nodded over the doctor's assurance of being able to start school on time & ride horses comfortabley next year.
we left the office with a plan for surgery in 2 weeks, November 27th. Dad & i went to lunch & he talked optimistically about how good for me this is going to be. i agreed with him, ignoring the feeling in the back of mind that felt like something coming undone.
i called Mom & Jef, they both took it in stride & agreed with the reasoning. Dad dropped me off at home, & i was left alone with the dogs & my thoughts. i did my usual puttering when i think, went about tidying & chatting with the dogs, but i kept finding myself sitting in a chair, just staring. i called Kerstin & she said i should come out; i agreed & decided on the dog bath to kill some time until traffic settled down. Andy agreed to watch Pixel, so i dropped her off there & set out for Sacramento.
we had a pretty fun day, despite having shirked all my plans of cleaning & laundry.
i got up early & walked them right away, but all that did was rile them up!
Sake finally loosened up & gave into Pixel's play bows & arfs to initiate some fun.it was hilarious-- the noises this dog makes!
"rabid ewok" my friend Eric tagged it.
Sake was delivered today with little fanfare. Judy, rescue woman from
OHS was very sweet & amicable; Sake is equally as sweet. 
he fits the breed standard for sure:
"This breed is considered one of the most cat-like of the dog breeds in attitude: it is alert, intelligent, and often independent, and it uses its paws to wash its face. A companion dog, it is loving and loyal to its owner, but is distrustful of new people. Chins prefer familiar surroundings, and are very uncomfortable in unfamiliar areas and with new situations. They are a quiet breed, with a much deeper bark than the high-pitched yap commonly associated with many of the toy breeds and are naturally clean."
he's currently sitting pertly in front of the tv, considering it adorabley.
he adores being pet, but won't come to you to ask for it. he's a chow hound for sure! gobbling everything in his bowl & whatever else you have. he's been snoozing on & off, either on the couch or the rug.
did i mention the tongue? it accompanies a charming underbite, & is ever present.
asleep or awake.
Geisha had an initial case of bottlebrush tail (all poofed out), but she was soon not caring & hiding between the pillows-- which is normal.
can my mind sense it's 4 am when i'm asleep?
because here we are again, & even the dog looks annoyed by the light being on, we're all up. how cute is it when she rolls over, groans & covers her eyes with a paw? cameras are not fast enough to catch such moments for me.
but i'm up & waiting for my requisite tea to cool, & i certainly hope green tea is as good for you as they say it is.....cos i drink a LOT. i woke up nauseated with my back muscles spasming, most likely the side effects of my Avonex injection last night. i did my best to ignore it but the clock was glowing 4 am so fiercely! i'm trying all the things i've heard of to change my behavior & go back to my generally sleeping-well routine:
Try modifying your nighttime sleeping habits and other behavior before resorting to drugs to cure insomnia. For example:
* Avoid using alcohol in the evening. Avoid caffeine for at least 8 hours before bedtime. Give up smoking, because nicotine is a stimulant.
* Establish a regular bedtime, but don't go to bed if you feel wide awake. Use the bedroom for bedroom activities only. Once in bed, use creative imagery and relaxation techniques to keep your mind off unrestful thoughts. Avoid staying in bed for long periods of time while awake, or going to bed because of boredom.
* Take your TV or computer out of your bedroom. Otherwise, your brain becomes used to the stimulation and starts to expect it when you are there. This makes it harder for you to fall asleep.
* Relax by reading, taking a bath, or listening to soothing music before getting to bed.
* A snack before bedtime helps many people. Foods such as warm milk or turkey have a natural sleep inducer called L-tryptophan.
* Exercise regularly, but not in the last two hours before going to bed. Exercise, especially aerobic exercise, has been show to make people fall asleep faster and benefit from deeper and more restful sleep. Sex can be a natural sleep inducer and helps some people.
* Avoid emotional upset or stressful situations prior to bedtime.
eeeeyeah. i'll get right on all that.
reading this, immediately my mind goes to Kerstin, who's had troubling sleeping at night since forever. then my mind rolls to a session with my shrink, who accurately pointed out how i empathize with other people & ignore myself. i agreed, but it seemed there is no foreseeable path to correct this.
this morning when i woke up, my mind was writing a detailed mental letter to my friend Ann, whom i've had an upsetting falling out with when i first got home from the rehab center in July.
another one of those sad tales of a friendship being so much less to the other person & it's apparent when the going gets tough-- & they get going. i went from angry, confused & hurt to really just hurt. i'm not even concerned with the guy involved in all of this, i'm just aching about Ann.
