9:48 PM

outcome.

i escaped to Kerstin's Wednesday night after my orthopedist consult. i took Sake for a bath & managed to lock my keys in my truck, being as distracted as i was. the day went pretty well, but i wasn't sure how well i really had it together. i needed to get away & not look at my life for a few hours.

Wednesday morning, my Dad picked me up & we went to SF, critiquing the Bay Bridge's replacement progress & SF living in general. he dropped me off & went to scour for parking.
i went down to the x-ray lab & changed into the utterly flattering gown that left me squirming in a chair in the women's waiting room for 20 minutes. when the techs called me in, i went easily through the awkward positions for the xrays, impressing the laughing techs. my dad was in the doctor's office when i got there & we went right in.

the surgeon is still an amicable, easy-going guy that talks about your surgery like it's a walk in the park. he looked at my xrays & put it frankly, i have osteopenia, meaning i am a hop, skip & 10 years from osteoperosis. this changes any surgery plans he'd had in mind for me, & now it was more imparitive we get the revision done & work on recovering some bone mass. instead of using screws to anchor a acetabulum plate, i'll have the whole socket resurfaced & have a cup fitted (read: pounded into shape with a mallet!) into place. the whole joint will be titanium & hopefully, pain free for the rest of my life.

we went over the pros: the smaller amount of recoup time, the prosthetic should last a lifetime, etc. we nodded over the doctor's assurance of being able to start school on time & ride horses comfortabley next year.
we left the office with a plan for surgery in 2 weeks, November 27th. Dad & i went to lunch & he talked optimistically about how good for me this is going to be. i agreed with him, ignoring the feeling in the back of mind that felt like something coming undone.

i called Mom & Jef, they both took it in stride & agreed with the reasoning. Dad dropped me off at home, & i was left alone with the dogs & my thoughts. i did my usual puttering when i think, went about tidying & chatting with the dogs, but i kept finding myself sitting in a chair, just staring. i called Kerstin & she said i should come out; i agreed & decided on the dog bath to kill some time until traffic settled down. Andy agreed to watch Pixel, so i dropped her off there & set out for Sacramento.





i drove in the dark with little Sake snoozing next to me & a pile of laundry on the floor. (my excuse not to come, Kerstin wouldn't have it & said to bring it.) i got to Kerstin's by 7, & we started piles of laundry, hers as well as mine. Sake did his share of helping with the laundry:



after watching the Da Vinci Code with Kerstin's husband, we both managed to fall asleep immediately, even though we both generally struggle to sleep. (really the Da Vinci Code was a good sedative. boring!) i spent the rest of Thursday with her, cleaning her apartment, & the many guinea pig cages, including bathing the critters. i used to hate these things, but she really handles them so much they're nice to pet & watch. heck, they were even good for a shampoo.



i hated having to leave, it's so nice to have K's company again & i know she benefits from having me there. she's waiting for a new job to start & has been home alone for weeks, bored & sad.

i left Kerstin's pretty late, this time driving back in the dark with a basket of clean, folded laundry & a sleeping Sake on the seat next to me. coming home, once settled, i plopped back in the same chair after i fed the dogs & emptied my overnight bags. it was still here, that feeling.

here's another thing i have to plow through, mentally & physically. i'm hoping that tacking a surgery onto the end of this year leaves next year clear for success, no foreseen set-backs to endure. i'd hoped my hip taking a back burner to all this MS drama would last a little long. i didn't want to think about it all at once.

but i can do this, i can. just gotta concrete the mantra in my own head....


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