tick tock, tick tock.

my surgery date is close at hand...just 2 full days or so left.
i'm still doing my best to hold steady, be optimistic, look at the benefits...
i imagine myself running. i eyed sleek pants, fleecey zip ups & imagined Pixel running beside me.

i went to my new integrative doctor in SF on Wednesday. i found myself both impressed, excited, & reminded the seriousness of my situation. besides setting out my life story (which has become automatic lately) i flatly stated i was anorexic as a teenager & still struggling with control issues & food. the doctor again painted a rosey picture of the benefits of treatment, on top of being amicable & warm. maybe it's just me, but these people always have sales to fall back on-- selling the surgery, a new diet & exercise plan...sheesh.

in explaining things to her, the dr. asked about why i drank so much red bull, didn't take breaks, & stressed myself so much. to every question my answer started with "Work". 6 months away from work, i can finally see what i've done to myself. how much i gave to work at the expense of my health. ....really not worth any salary or feeling of accomplishment i might receive.

even though i've now realized it, i have a long way to heal; a long way to go.



at any rate, thanksgiving was about as usual, but not without snags. Sake was downright grumpy, growling, snapping at Grandma, Brother & Joshe. he had the runs still & vomited several times. when i got him home he vomited some more, so i let him sleep with water close by. a course of metronidizole & I/D bland diet are in his future.
however today, he bit Ryan on the leg (but Ryan thinks he might have stepped on him, so i'm throwing that incident out). he then went bugshit on Pixel over a chewie, which has never happened!
i'm wracking my brain for possibilities, & there are plenty why he'd act like this. stress, fear, establishing dominance....but which is the right one to treat? i'm giving him some more time before i give up, of course. i'd say we've all been under some stress lately, so we won't mar he's record just yet.



still waiting for the damn check to come from the state. about time to get a move on with school too. trying my best not to feel rushed, get anxious, remember my goals.
the upside to all this is getting things together for Xmas presents. i'm compiling pictures for collages, photobooks & such for friends. i'm sure they'll be happy, i am so excited to see it! especially the one for Andy. Mabel's grown up so much & he'll get to see.