here we are again.

can my mind sense it's 4 am when i'm asleep?
because here we are again, & even the dog looks annoyed by the light being on, we're all up. how cute is it when she rolls over, groans & covers her eyes with a paw? cameras are not fast enough to catch such moments for me.

but i'm up & waiting for my requisite tea to cool, & i certainly hope green tea is as good for you as they say it is.....cos i drink a LOT. i woke up nauseated with my back muscles spasming, most likely the side effects of my Avonex injection last night. i did my best to ignore it but the clock was glowing 4 am so fiercely! i'm trying all the things i've heard of to change my behavior & go back to my generally sleeping-well routine:

Try modifying your nighttime sleeping habits and other behavior before resorting to drugs to cure insomnia. For example:

* Avoid using alcohol in the evening. Avoid caffeine for at least 8 hours before bedtime. Give up smoking, because nicotine is a stimulant.
* Establish a regular bedtime, but don't go to bed if you feel wide awake. Use the bedroom for bedroom activities only. Once in bed, use creative imagery and relaxation techniques to keep your mind off unrestful thoughts. Avoid staying in bed for long periods of time while awake, or going to bed because of boredom.
* Take your TV or computer out of your bedroom. Otherwise, your brain becomes used to the stimulation and starts to expect it when you are there. This makes it harder for you to fall asleep.
* Relax by reading, taking a bath, or listening to soothing music before getting to bed.
* A snack before bedtime helps many people. Foods such as warm milk or turkey have a natural sleep inducer called L-tryptophan.
* Exercise regularly, but not in the last two hours before going to bed. Exercise, especially aerobic exercise, has been show to make people fall asleep faster and benefit from deeper and more restful sleep. Sex can be a natural sleep inducer and helps some people.
* Avoid emotional upset or stressful situations prior to bedtime.

eeeeyeah. i'll get right on all that.

reading this, immediately my mind goes to Kerstin, who's had troubling sleeping at night since forever. then my mind rolls to a session with my shrink, who accurately pointed out how i empathize with other people & ignore myself. i agreed, but it seemed there is no foreseeable path to correct this.

this morning when i woke up, my mind was writing a detailed mental letter to my friend Ann, whom i've had an upsetting falling out with when i first got home from the rehab center in July.
another one of those sad tales of a friendship being so much less to the other person & it's apparent when the going gets tough-- & they get going. i went from angry, confused & hurt to really just hurt. i'm not even concerned with the guy involved in all of this, i'm just aching about Ann.

i suppose i should have known, i did see this coming. it's still so shocking when someone you thought you knew, who wouldn't ever hurt you because you were there for them so many times before, would bury you in a precarious stack of lies.



~*at any rate*~
......................

so for tonight.....i have to go back to the South Bay for Mandy's birthday party at Amy's house. the hard part is dressing up cute enough to fit in with the crowd, & staying awake & witty long enough for people to enjoy my company.
no really, lookit these people:

vibrant & gorgeous everyday of the week! Mandy falls right in line with them....
i can't keep my hair red enough to make the cut.

i think i can lay down again now....this chair is making my back scream, & how unfair is it that i have cramps too? was i Ghengis Khan in a past life to deserve these things?

le sigh.