9:24 PM

another weekend rolls over me.

instead of being excited for the weekends as a break from the work week like regular peebles, i perk up at the chance to have Jeremy around for 2 full days. he gets to sleep in with me, i have him to talk to & run errands with, & he's just plain ol' excellent company. when he's home, i'm much less prone to sleeping in til 3pm, or rolling over to stare at the wall & let waves of bitterness wash over me. (i only do that when i'm for sure alone, & it doesn't last more then 10 minutes at most. honest!)

on Saturday we went Hakone Gardens as planned & happily scoped out the wedding site. he loves the place & we were even more giddy with delight at the prospect of being married there. he even enjoyed watching the turtles in the koi pond, pointing out the baby turtles before i did.

snags thus far? a few.
my mom has volunteered to be the contact point on most things, ie: catering, flowers (of course) etc. but being my mom, things fall to the way side & she has been fibbing about what actually has been done. (growl) please-- if you can't do something like you thought you could, cop to it early. i learned this from my days of taking on too much at Chiron. (growl again)

taking a deep breath & moving on, i found a restaurant just down the road that Hakone is on to take all 15 of our wedding party (which is just half the people who will be in attendance for the wedding!) for the rehearsal dinner. it's general American-type fare with a 'wild & organic twist.' they've got seared tuna on the menu which i love, so i'm sold. Jeremy is his usual 'reed in the wind' self, which is ever so helpful. although he was looking forward to seeing his dad's wife pitch a fit about being brought to a sushi bar (our first choice.)

my mom keeps goading me about 'the larger ceremony later', & at this point, i might leave it at our little mini ceremony & hand out trading cards of the wedding. this planning shit isn't so fun, because all the reminders that 'this is OUR wedding' are overruled by straight-laced grandmothers, religious zealot in-laws, family members who won't eat anything outside of Italian food or meat & potatoes, having to keep divorced parents separated, etc.

le sigh!!

i'm doing my best to remember that my parents want me to be happy with the wedding, & no matter what the end result is going to be exactly what i wanted--
i'll be married to the most amazing guy in the world. :)

1:06 PM

fish fingers.

i've got another week until my consultation appointment for my Tysabri infusions.since being off steroids & the beta inferon injections for a little 'wash out period',i've been experiencing a plethora of odd symptoms, mainly manifesting in my arms & hands. all of which range from completely annoying to fricking painful.

the current feeling is liken to having your hands in cool water for a long time. a little achey, feeling bloodless, & hard to move. Jeremy listens to my descriptions & watches flex & waggle my fingers as if i could see the problem. he holds my hands as if he could do the same, feel the problem, to no avail of course.

we're heading to the south bay in a bit to pick up my veil & hang out with J's brother Nate & Cousin Jan. (he gets the whole title) hopefully we have time to swing by Hakone Gardens, since Jeremy hasn't even seen where we're getting married yet. thankfully the truck is still clean enough to have someone else besides the dogs & i in it. (we care very little about it's aesthetics, Pixel, Sake & i.)

ugh, typing this is laborious, & typos from twitching fingers make me growl inwardly. i suppose a shower & a go with the flat iron might make me feel human....
it's the little things.

11:48 AM

it's dusty in here.

i know it.
i abandoned this blog for nearly a year!
so much has changed i can hardly type it all.
i'll just bring it up to present, & we'll go from there.

i now live in Oakland & i am engaged to an amazing boy that i have known all along.
i guess it took time & circumstance for my eyes to see him this way-- as the one person i want to spend my life with.

you're thinking wait wait wait! it's been barely a year & now you're moved in & engaged?! yes. in fact it's been 4 months since we got together, moved in together & decided to get married. the wedding is in October-- this October. aka: next month! i rarely know what i want so clearly. all we have done has felt so right.
i'm not afraid, in fact, i feel more sure of what i'm doing because he's by my side, come what may.

in other news, my MS is being a real bitch. i've gone through the battery of beta-interferon meds to no avail. more relapses & elevated liver enzymes leave me little choices left for therapies. all that's left is the scariest drugs, that are IV infused once a month. i'm typing this now with clumsy, numb fingers that are painfully tight feeling, a constant reminder that this is real. i only hope the Tysabri is my miracle drug.....i have no choices left.