after a disappointingly short & almost senseless social security "neurological exam", J & i headed to breakie & the bookstore, then to Ikea to get some things.
[more on the ss exam later. pffrt.]
we're swimming in displaced laundry in our bedroom. we have a great sized closet, but no place to put folded-type things. underwear & socks don't stay on hangers, so we finally got a dresser.
i actually went there for something to help with my craft supplies clutter in the office, but never found the style of dresser i saw online. i'm apt to just giving up & finding something else at Ikea. the place can easily trigger a panic attack in me or some similar heinous feeling that's attributed to my MS [dizziness, racing thoughts.]
luckily, J. was right there helping me out.
i was quite pleased to see Ikea is incorporating dark wood into their designs. i loathe most light wood stains, & more so the icky laminates Ikea likes to slap on particle board. we found this dresser for $250, & i snapped it up with glee:
we also got a tall, pub-type table use for Thanksgiving seating, which will thereafter become my sewing/crafty table. the dining area table will return to it's intended function, & hopefully help ease my messes from mucking up the living room. :) lastly, a baker's rack type deal was snagged to help organize the sparse bathroom that's "for guests" when we have them, but mainly is The Pet Bathroom.
the cat box, water & food bowls along with the kitty's supplies & Sake's whiz pads live there. i ended up hiding them in the bathtub behind the shower curtain. yes, it was ridiculous & i felt lame digging the bag o' litter from the tub when i change the cat box. now it's all neatly filed on the lower glass shelves. a few knicky-knacks & a small vase of dried lavender makes it look homey. i'm pretty happy.
what is it about organization that soothes me [& others i know!] so well?
J. knows this calming secret & does his best to accommodate me. he immediately went to work on assembling all these things while i was Whole Foods with my mom, getting
Thanksgiving dinner in order. the dresser was a million pieces when i left & is so pretty all put together. we're both so drained from today, so filling said thing is slated for tomorrow. [along with Pixel's bath, in the now clutter-free tub!]
as for the social security "exam", i am utterly deflated about this system.
i don't know what i was expecting. here's what i encountered:
the address was close by, & led us to a bar-windowed door crammed between Kaiser & a bank. i followed the instructions on the buzzer & took a decrepit elevator up one floor. it might as well have been a freight elevator; scratched & dented stainless steel lined & slower than pudding. the office has colorless, stained carpet with mismatched folding chairs & a fresh out of high school receptionist who couldn't be less interested in being there on a Saturday morning.
when i read the framed degree & HIPPA warnings on the wall, my eyes came to rest on a certificate. this thing certifies Dr.Iforgothisname, who is a CHIROPRACTOR, to do DMV & SS exams. my eyes bulged a little. WTF?
Dr.Iforgothisname was a quiet, slim Asian guy that eased my nervousness. although his tone & facial expression never changed, he was non-threatening & that made me feel ok. he did an exam that was on par with every ambulance ride i have ever taken involving my MS. an EMT could've administered this thing. i offered the manufacturer's approval of my Tysabri infusions, as well as a DVD of my cranial, thoracic & lumbar MRI study (with & without contrast.) he skimmed the report & tells me he doesn't have a computer in the office, the DVD does nothing for him. inwardly, i am sputtering. THIS is how one decides if i truly have a disabling disease?
Dr.Iforgothisname follows the protocol he was certified for to a T. he does not indulge my offerings for more information on my symptoms or even further information on my relapses severity & frequency. he seems interested in my hip replacement for a second, commenting i am young for that. i mention the osteopenia & arterial necrosis & he scribbles it down. no further questions on that front. any other medical diseases, etc.? i mention my L'Hermittes sign to him & he blandly tells me that's part of MS.
NO SHIT. i have MS, i know a bit about it, thanks. (of course i didn't say that.)
i'm out of the office in 35 minutes. he will write a report to the SS office of his "findings" [?!?!-!!?] & they will contact me in about 6 weeks. i meet J. in the lobby & am a little exasperated. what does that guy know about neurological maladies & autoimmune disease that makes his opinion important enough to decide my fate?
J. assures me we have an excellent case for appeal if it comes down to it.
that sand-filled feeling of fatigue mixed with uncertainty hung on until we got to the bookstore, where i went a little bananas & bought cards, a book & a calendar.
it's been an expensive, busy day. i'm off to read my book about mutants in bed, with my probably already snoring husband.
social security & monetary worries aside, my life is a sugar cookie. i'm madly, wholly, passionately in love with my husband, our life, our marriage. our home, pets,
routines, friends, & family make me feel blissful & utterly lucky for what i have.
i just have to say it here. i'm incredibly lucky -- blessed, if you will-- & i appreciate every crumb of it.